She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
