If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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