Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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