i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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