We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Randomize
