Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
