Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
