I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
