We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
