I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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