In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
