Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
