they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
