Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
