Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
