wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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