I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You made out with two different species that night
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
