she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
