Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
nutella sex= disaster
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
