just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
