Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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