i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
