FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
