NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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