ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
