He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
