So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
