so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Dear god my vagina.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
