Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
only you would photoshop your dick
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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