I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
