Who did Billy Mays play for?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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