i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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