I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i think my cat just said my name.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I think we might need a safe word for this...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
