People with herpes should wear stickers.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
