i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
