matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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