dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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