They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
