am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
