what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
