I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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