Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
