My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
