So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
