No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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