I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
