Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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