i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
