At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
This house was built for laser tag.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
