Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
