You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
