Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
